Updated: May 2, 2022
I sit in my office, where I spend much of my creative energy. As I sit here typing this post, I hear music playing from the next room. My family are watching the movie 'Encanto'. I love this film and the message I took from it.
My story is unique and my own. I spent far too much time not understanding myself or allowing anyone else in to really get to know me. And for too long I was comfortable with that.
It may seem odd, yet this movie made sense to me on a level that others may not understand. (and that's okay!)
I'm different than you. Just as none of us are the same, I find that there is a wish to be heard, understood, known, seen for who we see ourselves as, yet at the same time an equal amount of fear that keeps us hidden.
As I desired to really grasp my uniqueness, which I really didn't know how or what exactly made me so different, I consistently fell into my own trap of seeking approval from my family.
I'd share information, accomplishments, stories and such of things I have done in an attempt to reach a level of acceptance I never felt for myself.
I was never the person anyone expected much from. I did enough to get by for the majority of my early adult life.
As I aged and began to see my life differently, I began to see who I really am. I had hidden this bit of me for so long because I was afraid. I was afraid to speak of what I knew, how I felt, the things I was experiencing, the way I knew things I had no way of knowing. I felt intense, even to myself, that I could feel other people's emotions and sometimes know of their thoughts.
I was afraid that I was far too weird for anyone to comprehend my own inner workings. So I remained quiet.
After a series of personal events, I spent a long time growing into myself, learning who I really am. In time, I began to learn how to truly care for myself in a way I never had before. It wasn't self care, yet care on a new level. I began to lose people from my life, some intentionally and some just left. At first this scared me. I soon realized this was the implement of boundaries that i never thought I needed. Yet as I dug deep into who I am there was a lot that I uncovered and so much that needed loved.
My existence was becoming clearer as each day passed. Questions I carried were answered. Family members began to come forth to talk about their experiences and understanding. My reality was changing.
All this time I felt boxed in, not knowing how to share what was really going on. surrounded by people, I felt alone.
As my life began to unfold and the layers upon layers started to peel back, I felt seen, heard, understood and free. I didn't need the approval of anyone else to feel free in my own skin, my own mind, my own life, yet for so many of us this is what it feels like.
So, the story goes on to this.. for nearly 60 years my family was hidden in plain sight. We blended in to match the needs of the world. We didn't speak of who we truly are. We stayed quiet.
And for years, I carried the weight of this silent passage.
You see, I am different. I have learned to love who I am, to accept who I am and to hold tight to the truth of who we are.
I have uncovered a truth that was buried for years. A family of talent, gifts - spiritual & angelic - a heritage deeply rooted in history, ancient tradition, methods & life.
As I started to move through my own spiritual journey, making sense of the experiences I had and questioning just about everything in life, I started to realize that there were others within our family who were similar, just never spoke of it because they too felt it was too much to share.
I spent time in meditation connecting to my ancestors, putting together the puzzle pieces of who I am (who we are). In doing so, I was standing in homes in the 19th century, I stood in a forest in 1772 with a relative named Sarah, I walked through a stream in Scotland with ancestors and almost daily I speak to my great, great grandmother.
I know what you're thinking.. this is far too much. and I get it! for anyone to comprehend, you must believe in the impossible, the impractical, the realm of possibilities beyond 'normal'. I fully understand if you've decided to check out from this point on, but for those who haven't..
This gift that has been passed down the bloodline of our family, traced back several hundred years, this allows me the capacity to help others find peace, closure, understanding and hear message of love. It allows me the space to share these gifts with others who are desperate for answers, to find lost family, to heal from wounds they've carried. this gift is just that... a gift.